There is this magical moment that we as humans all share together and go through the same exact feelings and sensations…
the moment before you blow your birthday candles!
No matter how old you are, somehow you want to believe that if you close your eyes, make a wish, and blow those candles away, your wishes will magically come true.
This past Sunday was my thirty fifth birthday and something unexpected happened to my birthday candles…
Never ever in a million years have I thought that I would say what I am about to confess…. But here it is.
At 35; I am a whole different person, I am a new woman, and I was born all over again.
See I lived a life where I was (and still am) so proud of who I am, proud of my upbringing, and what I had to offer the universe.. and I wanted to be just that, me!
I thought that the more I preserve my true identity, the more I preserve what makes me special and leave a different mark in this world. I did not realize until later, that part of me had to evolve and that the way I identified myself: a mother, a teacher, a Biologist, a non-traditional wife, a devoted daughter, were all great attributes that I turned into an - armor.
I was hesitant to change and subconsciously thought of it as treason.
But, God had different plans for me.
When my body failed me and I was mentally and emotionally “struck by a lightning”, I went through a reboot period.
It took time to understand that I grew. And when you grow, your past armor does not fit you anymore.. the more you hold on to it the more it hurts!
Change hurts not because you are resisting to accept your “evolved self” but because you have created rigid guidelines for your life over the years that do not fit the -new you-.
When you start a family in a one bedroom apartment, you start to love it, decorate it, create memories in every corner, then when your family grows at one point you have to move. And sometimes, moving is really hard: financially, physically, and most importantly; emotionally.
How come you are willing to let go of your cozy apartment and embark on the adventure of your new spacious, scary, space, yet you are not willing to move your thoughts and expectations from crawling like a caterpillar, to swaying the skies like a butterfly.
At 35; it happened, my metamorphosis journey had begun.
I am not a butterfly -yet- however, I started to build the cocoon in which my inevitable emergence will be witnessed.
At 35; I embraced the fact that it is okay to have been at the top of my teaching game for the past ten years and that I am willing to start all over again.
Yes you read that right, all over again.
And I will tell you why…
The game has changed, and to play something new or different, you have to start from the beginning, learn the rules, and break them, over and over again.
This was the very first birthday where I have intentionally made plans - every single day - for the past week - to celebrate my rebirth. I walked into random bakeries in the neighborhood, watched my kids curls and sparkly eyes a little bit longer, and even asked my mom to make me some “Frake: raw meat!” … for my birthday!
And here is the biggest thing that I promised myself this year: I am not holding off and I am chasing my wildest dreams. My wish is not for my “dreams to come true”, my reality is that: I know that “chasing my dreams will only get me closer to fulfilling my purpose”.
We are all busy chasing dreams, little do we know that we all take little journeys to our divine purpose as we embark this chase.
So are you ready?
Set your intention, dream, goal…
Move with your whole body, heart, and being towards it…
Be open to a surprise ending because who knows what your purpose is?
The wedding is important but not the reason why we get married, is it? We are looking to spend a journey with someone we love, and today let that journey be with YOU.
And about the candles???
Yea I never got to blow them… my 2 year old twins and niece beat me to it, and I wouldn’t trade this moment for the world. I do not need candles for my dreams to come true, the metamorphosis started a while back, the butterfly is about to come out, and at this point, there is no going back.
that was The Day I Became An “Insect”!